Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Cabell Wilkinson

A native of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, Cabell Wilkinson is a host at the Laughing Gas Comedy Club and is an up and coming comedienne in the Triad scene. She has appeared regularly at the Comedy Zone, The Idiot Box, and has hosted comedy events at The Garage and other local venues. She loves making scrambled eggs and naming stuffed animals

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Performing Live at the Visulite Theatre with Big Mammas House of Burlesque 
Feb 2013 (Left) Comedy Spoof of the Black Swan.(Right) 


   Cabell Wilkinson answers 25 of the Best

Who was the last person you told “I love you”?
Cabell:  My sister.

What will you find in your refrigerator if you looked right now?
Cabell:  Several kinds of mustard, polska kielbasa, raspberries, an old piece of watermelon that needs to be thrown out, swiss cheese, untouched sixpack of Activia yogurt (I got it home and felt stupid for buying it, but what are you supposed to do, take it back to the grocery store and say why you don't want to keep the bluberry flavored laxative glop?) empty barbecue sauce bottle, old heads of lettuce, leftover Rice-A-Roni, Mexican takeout.

What was the last expletive that you used?
Cabell:  I said the word fucknut a few hours ago while driving back home from Charlotte and passing a driver doing 57 in a 75 zone.

When was the last time you cried?
Cabell:  I cried a few days ago. Damn PMS.

What is the worst tasting thing you have ever eaten?
Cabell:  Liver pudding, by far, is the worst, most foul tasting thing I have ever had. Who eats that crap?

In the film of your life, who plays you and what is the title?
Cabell:  Michelle Williams could play me, we'll just dye her hair red, make her wear tons of makeup, and put her in a beat up old car to drive to an open mic in some dive bar, you know, to help her "get into character." Title? How about 'Sleepless in Winston-Salem' or 'Cabell: A Space Odyssey'? It's your blog babe so you pick. ;D

What is the last furry thing that you touched?
Cabell:  Deana's fur stole that was part of her costume for the Viva Lust Vegas show.

When was the last time you had a hangover?
Cabell:  I'm hungover now, oooo I'm tellin' on myself! Drinky McHiccup.

Do you remember the last time you saw a random act of kindness?
Cabell:  An old man at a gas station put oil in my car for me, and called me 'sweet pea.' That was sweet of him, and totally unexpected. I didn't even catch his name. Happened about a week ago.

If your iPod could only hold 3 songs, what would they be?
Cabell:  Three songs would be 'It's Not Unusual' by Tom Jones, 'Love Will Tear us Apart' by Joy Division and 'Barracuda' by Heart.

What are you currently reading?
Cabell:  Currently reading I Am Legend by Richard Matheson, it is amazing!

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Cabell:  I have, sorry to say.

If personalities had an odor, what would you smell like?
Cabell:  Well, I am a North Carolina comedienne, so I guess AquaNet and deer piss?

You are running in a race and overtake the second-place runner. What position are you now in?
Cabell:  I've never beaten anyone in anything athletic, so I guess a position I know would be Lazy Cowgirl.

Describe your happy place?
Cabell:  The top of Hanging Rock on a sunny day is a happy place for me.

What is the longest period that you have ever gone without taking a bath?
Cabell:  Three days.....but I had a horrible case of bronchitis at the time...man that was awful! Blegh!

What is your theme song?
Cabell:  Theme song? How about 'Polyester' by Deborah Harry?

Have you ever been spanked or spanked someone as an adult?
Cabell:  Yup. I remember one spanking incident, I was in my twenties, 'seeing' this guy (I can't call it dating if I only went to his house to hook up twice a week for a few months and he wouldn't go to places with me in public or use the B word) and we were in bed, and out of nowhere, he spanked me. Hard. The shit hurt but I didn't want to be uncool so I just silently winced and said nothing while naked on all fours on his bed. The arctic blast from his window unit whistled between my boobs. A moment passed and he spanked me again. Harder. I am grateful he cannot see my face contorting in pain. I try to focus on stuff in his room like a jar of beer bottle caps or a picture of him on a whitewater rafting trip to take my mind off the firey sensation engulfing my cheeks. He emits the sound of a tired sigh. "Hey, you" I crane my head around to see him. "Yes?" I am trying to be nonchalant. "Do you like to be spanked?" He sounds irritated. Shit. "ummm........." I am at a lost for a clever reply. If I say no then I am a tool and a walking Cosmo sex quiz failure, if I say yes I have to endure more senseless butt punishment. I stall for time. "Well......" "Either you do or you don't." He speaks in the tone of an exasperated junior high PE teacher. Cornered, I reply: "Ummm, it's kind of distracting, so uh no thank you." "OK. Whatever. I gotta take a leak, anyway." He gets off the bed, goes into the bathroom, and slams the door shut. I quickly get off the bed, grab my clothes, and frantically step into panties and jeans, throw on the tshirt and gt out of there. I am so mortified I don't want to face the guy when he comes out, I just want to go home and put a bag of frozen peas on my ass. Which I do. And that is one of my spanking stories...

What do you do when you feel sad or depressed?
Cabell:  I watch My Strange Addictions to feel better about myself, cause I may be sad but at least I don't eat rocks or pillow foam. I fill out 'Tell Us How We Did ' forms in restaurants and write anonymous, inappropriate comments such as "I was shocked to see the boy scratch his ass before making my taco." I eat candy, I shop, or call a friend, or if I can muster the energy, I exercise to squeeze the happy juice into my brain. Or get in my car and get the hell out of town for a day.

If you were being attacked by the tickle monster, who would you want it to be?
Cabell:  Norman Reedus (Daryl from Walking Dead) can tickle me anytime, anywhere.

Do you believe in ghosts? Why?
Cabell:  I believe in ghosts because my last apartment was haunted, the kitchen sink turned itself on a couple of times and there were weird noises at night like thumps and someone rattling through drawers. The building was old so I bet some tenants died in there years ago. Explains the cheap rent.

Describe the perfect kiss using no more than 5 words?
Cabell:  A passionate stolen moment together.

What is your greatest fear?
Cabell:  That there is not enough time.

What is the best dish you can cook?
Cabell:  My best dish is Roast Lamb with Herbed mustard sauce. I make it in a casserole dish with baby red potatoes, and trust me, it'll make your knees buckle.

Do you truly feel loved?
Cabell:  Feel truly loved? Yes I do!

Thank you, Cabell!

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